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Ellis H. Swain
United States
Ellis H. Swain - Author / Writer / Bon Vivant

This Forward is penned by my good friend Shane Willis

I met Ellis in late 2008 , at a boat show in Morehead City North Carolina , and we soon became friends.
I don't know why we are friends because he is a moody self centered son of a bitch. But never the less,
I cannot get him out of my life. I wouldn't have it any other way.

He hired me to be his exclusive cover designer when wrote his first book Off Kilter.
A lot of you may have seen his books floating around the internet. He has written in several genres from comedy science to erotic horror. His know published works include (in order of release)

Off Kilter - How Time Slips, Worm holes and Cracks in the Universe Can Ruin Your Day
The Secrets We Keep
Sunset Grove
The Radioactive Man (screenplay)
At the Office
The Mask of Sorrow
Flip Jack
A Wink and a Nod
The Deep Wretched Water

All of which I have had the great honor to be the cover design artist and photographer for.
I know they say you can know an author by what they write. With Ellis that is only partly true.
Whatever he writes, you can probably multiply it by four, and then you may get close to who Eliis H. Swain really is.

In his debut novel 'Off Kilter'
released in 2009, Ellis explored how when something just doesn't feel right and is sort of off kilter, it could be a rip in the fabric of time and space, or just a series of odd events that lends itself to preposterous thinking about how the universe works and relates to every facet of our lives.
This cheeky and irreverent look at how the universe works and how we have very little to do with it set him up as the prolific comedy science writer of 2009. I also got a glimps of just how brilliant Elllis H. Swain is, and how he does not think outside of the box, because to him… there is no box.

In 1969, Ellis was born in the small coastal town of Hammocks Beach North Carolina. Raised in a fairly normal and stable family, he had what he calls a happy childhood, and a normal upbringing. He claims that this uneventful, normal and well balanced youth, is what lead him to be so screwed up as an adult. He blames his parents for nothing because they raised him so well.

His sick twisted mind soon emerged in his writings with his second novel 'The Secrets We Keep'
as this explores a life filled with lusty affairs, debaucheries betrayals and sinful secrets that are hidden deep within us all, except for Ellis. With Ellis those secrets are very close to the surface and can seep out at any inappropriate time. Like during a dinner conversation when he starts relating to everyone at the table how the flower patterns on the table cloth looks like little tiny vaginas. (true story)

His third and forth Novels 'Sunset Grove' and 'CRAKED'
written in 2010, and released in 2011 could be consider a series.
However, while the books are a series, they can very much be read as separate stories even if you had not read the other, and the story holds up. They are connected, yet independent. Both tell the story of Jenny Bearing, and how a stay at a beach house for one summer leads to all kinds of sexual adventures, experiments with designer drugs and ends her up in a life of unquenchable sexual lust and eventually total sexual madness.

In between the two novels Sunset Grove and CRACKED he found time to pen a short Sci-fi screen play called
The Radioactive Man. The Film was never produced fully and Director Wilder S. Yolin is awaiting investors so he can finish the film.

Ellis soon gets back to his penchant for humor writing with the 2011 release of
At the Office.
Almost a throwback to the "jack the lad" kind of sexual comedies of late 60's. However it's his unique brand of humor that comes through the pages and gets all over your nice business suit. The dry cleaners near this office stay just as busy as the one near the Clinton White House. It is funny and sexy and confusing. Just like any real office should be.

Personally Ellis claims to suffer from severe mood swings, and while not clinically diagnosed with any particular form of depression or bipolar disorder, Ellis claims his moody disorders are not very particular. A consummate bachelor, yet never at a loss for a sexual partner, Ellis says it took him nearly 35 years to be happy with himself, and that eventually translated to him finally being happy with one woman. "J.K (Jacquelyn Kirch) is the reason I am still alive" Ellis told me, "She is the one that can not only blow my mind with her insight, humor and wit, but with her supple, and very sensually body, she can fuk my brains out."

It was this relationship with J.K that soon leads Ellis to write what may be the most erotic novel of 2011, aptly titled
(expletive deleted). An erotic thriller that is irreverent, dirty, sexy, smart, funny and purely pornographic, and may just be the best thing he has ever written, because most everything in the story is about being fuked, in many different ways, metaphorically and literally. It is something I am ashamed to say, but I can relate to everything Ellis writes in this book, and I believe its success is due to the fact everyone can relate to being fuked as well.

While Ellis projects what seems to be an ego the size of a aircraft carrier, he also is fraught with insecurities and self doubt. He once told me that the only reason he allows me to be his friend is because I am a very talented artist, and he can utilize my talents for his own benefit. He also said it was because I photograph nudes now. He loves that about me and thinks it's the best part anything I do. He often asks if I have any new nude photos that I have taken, and can he see them. He loves to show them to J.K. and boast my talents, and claim I inspire him, and in the same breath claims that his own master of the written word, and his indelible character and charm is the reason for our friendship. "After all" he said to me one night, " I was the one that suggested you start shooting nudes and explore the perverted side that was hidden deep within you."
I suppose he is right about that. But I have to remind him, I was perverted long before I met him. He then reminds me that if I didn't shoot nudes or did not express my perverse inclinations, he would have long ago found me boring, and stop talking to me. He sometimes expresses how he does not know why I like him so much and hang around him. This is when I tell him I have to stay close to him. I am studying him for an any insight to his screwed up warped mind. Kind of like watching an autopsy.
Not that it really matters because no one believes me when I tell them about him and his life.

Ellis's latest release is
The Mask of Sorrow a hot sexy murder mystery and while filled with sex and intrigue, it also dips into some very dark humor about death and the afterlife. "The Mask" also reveals some profound introspective insight that is probably the most telling of Ellis's own personal struggles within himself, and dealing with his new public life.
Ellis claims that the entire time he was writing this book he had a boner.
If that is true… he is more sick and twisted than I first imagined.

Ellis is a friend that I can only take in small doses, and thank goodness when he is writing he does not talk with me for weeks to months on end. I am glad I know him and I would not want him as an enemy, so I keep his insanity at a distance, but at the same time, I wouldn't want to miss a minuet of his madness. I hope you all enjoy his books as much as I enjoyed creating the covers for his books.

FOOT NOTE : Ellis's early work in 2004 and 2006
"Fried Eggs and Quantum Theory" and "Finding God in Soap Bubbles"
are published Science Journal papers and not presented as books.
However these papers are the basis for Off Kilter published later in 2009.



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RadActPhoto Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2012  Professional Photographer
EllisHSwain Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2012
you are welcome you little turd. LOL